Called to Write

I don’t know why, but I feel called to write. I don’t know what yet, but I will allow God to lead my fingers and see what happens 🙂

I think it has something to do with patience-something I typically sorely lack lol 😉

Well, here goes: Lord, write through my fingers.

Two nights ago, we experienced a rather large thunderstorm. I was on track with my schedule-I had both my girls, my energetic three year old and my three month old, ready for bed. Both bathed (a pretty big feat sometimes) and with their jammies on and everything-all by ten minutes to 8. For someone who is chronically exhausted (don’t think its chronic fatigue yet-going to see a sleep specialist soon) this is a pretty good thing-usually its hard to get them all set and ready for bed by myself that quickly when their daddy is working the evening shift. Suddenly, I heard a loud thunder boom, then a snap crash crack and the power went out. It was out for an hour, then back on for fifteen minutes, then out again for twenty minutes or so then back on. The light flickered a couple of times after that, but it didn’t go out again (thankfully). But I couldn’t get both girls settled down til after ten pm because with the air conditioner off it was way too hot and muggy-still in the lower 90’s and about 70 percent humidity (and we don’t usually have humid air here so it was pretty miserable). By the time I got settled down from the stressful evening it was nearly midnight and nearly two am before I finally got to sleep. 

I experienced something during the power outage that I experience often- my incorrigible lack of patience. I kept calling the power company and I kept getting the same message- crews are en route to assess the problem and we will update our message as they respond back to us. Or something like that. It was as if I could magically turn the power back on if only I called enough, even though I never spoke to a real person (well I did-but I had called the wrong utility company for this particular issue, so as far as the electrical utility goes I never talked to a real person). I had to learn something-to give up control. The crews were en route and they were fixing the problem. My trying to get it on faster could not work because I wasn’t directly involved with the repair-and it drove me nuts. The heat probably did too, but that’s beside the point.

Perhaps this post isn’t about patience at all. Perhaps it is about control-when to have it and when to let go and allow God to be in control. It’s hard for us as humans-we seem to have this inherent insatiable need to be in control of our surroundings, our environment, and ourselves. I am not saying some measure of control isn’t needed-we ALL have to control our own actions and take responsibility for our own actions. But we need to learn to allow God to take control on things that we cannot (or should not) control.

I cannot control whether or not a power line is down (or whatever happened-I never did find out). I cannot control whether or not my girls will be settled down enough to sleep at the exact time the clock chimes 8 pm-tonight was a prime example of that. Both girls were in bed by 8:02, then my three month old decided her night time dinner wasn’t enough and ate four more times, tooted some good ones, and had a clean diaper and a warm blanket (since the ac makes it wonderfully cool in here), and she still wouldn’t settle down unless I was holding her. I had a warm bath waiting, and I had my laptop on a stand far enough away from the tub on a stand with a movie ready to go so I could watch it in the tub and take some time to rest and relax. Never did get to the movie, and my bath was lukewarm by the time I got to it-an hour and a half later. In hindsight it was good that it was cooler-its just simply too warm for a hot bath right now anyway.

I can’t control circumstances beyond my control. I have to relinquish them to God. And it ain’t easy for sure. And I am DEFINITELY not the only person in history who had to relinquish control-or who had it the worst. Look at the story of Job-he lost his family, his livelihood, everything he had worked for (and he was very wealthy so it is a pretty big loss), and he was left with nothing but sackcloth and ashes and huge boils all over his skin. He had done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to deserve this, yet he relinquished control to God. Oh yeah-he lamented. He asked why. He even got angry with God and he did not hold back in how he felt when he cried out to God. Yet he praised Him as well and he never rejected God. He never stopped trusting in God-he knew that God knew what He was doing. He relinquished control. He eventually passed the test (and Satan got knocked down a few pegs because he had told God that Job would surely reject Him if all his earthly possessions were taken away) and God blessed him with far more than he had had before. I guess it is about both patience and letting go. Job trusted God, he relinquished control to God, and he was patient in waiting on God. And God blessed him for it.

If placed in the same boat as Job, I honestly don’t know what I would do. I would love to think that my faith is strong enough that I would not falter, but I don’t know what I would have done. I have lived through or near tragedies-I went to the middle school that was right before Columbine High School in Colorado at the time that the famous shootings took place and if I had been one year older I would have been there at that high school that day. The story of Cassie Bernall stuck in my mind-she was told by the shooters to deny Christ, and she refused and was shot and killed. I swore to myself that I would never deny Christ, even if I was threatened with my life or that of my loved ones. But isn’t it true that to not relinquish control to God is the same thing as saying I don’t trust you to take care of me I can do it myself I don’t need you? Isn’t it true that to not relinquish control to God is the same as denying Him and his abilities to handle what you can’t? I heard a saying- God never gives you what He can’t handle.

Thus I pray the Serenity Prayer:

God,

grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

In Christ,

Amanda Longpre’